The Leaders I coach are working on something significant and personal. First, they learn to see their current behaviours and the impacts. But that’s not the hardest part. After self-awareness comes action – so we plot the changes they will make. Do this, instead of that. Say this when you might have been silent. Surprise others. And they set out to change, where sometimes, all hell breaks loose.
I’ve seen that it takes enormous self-confidence to make lasting personal change. A Coachee is in a tough place regarding self-esteem. Maybe they’ve been told they need a coach. Or they are responding to critical feedback. Either way, they are starting from a deficit position. Even leaders who seek coaching with great confidence can begin to falter when they witness their ineffectiveness.
Leaders build others self-efficacy, but may neglect their own.
How do you find self-confidence when you need it? Here are some suggestions:
- Remind yourself of how far you’ve come. Hang up your diplomas and display your awards. Update your resume and online profile with recent accomplishments.
- Mentor someone or teach what you know. You’ll be surprised at the tacit knowledge you have, until someone taps it for their use.
- Regardless of how corny SNL made them, speaking positive messages to yourself really does work. Encourage yourself by saying “You can do this.”
- At the end of the day or week, take notice of what you can feel good or proud of. We tend to focus on what didn’t get done, and plan for how to tackle the gaps. Take an extra moment to notice your progress. Try giving yourself the pat-on-the-backs you give to your staff. Say “good job” and “well done” to yourself.
- Ask for positive feedback. There are many cognitive distortions that create stress and erode our confidence. Check your perspective on a situation by asking others, “What am I doing well?”
Take the online VIA Strengths assessment. This tool was developed to help people see and celebrate their characteristic strengths. Here’s the link http://www.viacharacter.org/www/Character-Strengths-Survey